Ta Fixe

We spent the day on board the BP fishing boat 'Ta Fixe' and had a blast!  We caught a total of 3 huge Dorado (aka Mahi Mahi) and then spent a few hours on Mussulo Beach.  Not a bad way to spend the last day of 2011.

I feel like I'm making some progress.  I took all 3 kids grocery shopping yesterday, and managed to not only survive, but also order everything I needed from the deli counter - speaking only Portuguese!  I still have SOOOO much to learn, but I'm getting pretty proficient at understanding the basics, and making myself understood.

I hope the new year brings more learning, adapting, and thriving for us here, and for everyone else.

Entitled

I've always known that I was born into a fortunate life.  We always had food, shelter, and clothing, as well as extras like toys and fun activities.  Having a parent who was a public school teacher meant that we would never be considered rich, but we could always count on having medical care.  In my adult life, this has continued.  We've lived paycheck to paycheck, always had a tight budget, but even through our short time where Adam was laid off - we always knew we had a home, food, and access to doctors.  The whole concept of knowing that you're fortunate, however, is very different than SEEING it right in front of your face each day.  This is something I've struggled with from the first time I arrived here - and I still don't have a firm grasp on how to feel okay about all that we have, especially compared to those around us.

I feel guilty every day.  Every day when our maid is working hard to keep our house clean, I feel bad.  Every day when we drive past the women with huge loads on their heads and a baby on their back....I feel bad.  So when someone here glares at me in response to my smile....I feel like I deserve it.  When they charge me a different price than the person behind me in line....I feel like I deserve that, too.  A friend here likes to bargain with the sellers in the market, which is an accepted practice - but I find I just don't have the heart for that, either.  One of the major reasons for us coming here was to save for our kids' education, as well as our retirement - so I don't think the answer is to give everything away.....but how do I continue to hold my head high as I live with so much more than the people here?

Speaking of entitled - if you've made it through this post, I'll leave you with a funny example of how I DON'T want to live:  Yesterday I sent Miles up to his room to clean up the toys he'd left scattered on the floor.  A few minutes later, Molly ran down the stairs to tell me that Miles was NOT cleaning his room - he was instructing our maid to put his toys away!!!  That kid...I'm trying with all my might to get him to use his powers for good, not evil - but he's testing me.  (and yes, our very sweet maid is now instructed to NOT clean up any of the kids' toys)

Refreshed!

I've been neglecting this blog, but for good reason - we went on vacation!  Our first Christmas out of the country, and we spent it in Cape Town, South Africa.  It was HEAVEN!  We stayed in a very nice condo at the Waterfront, and walked miles every day, seeing all the sights.  Adam and Max got to go cage diving with great white sharks, we walked on the beach with penguins, and got pick pocketed by little squirrel monkeys.  I was a little worried that I'd be more depressed once we had to come back to Angola, after having a little time in a place where life was easier - but in fact, it's been the opposite.  I had a great respite from cooking, from not speaking the language, from really everything that makes life here so hard for me - and now I feel like I can face it all again, hopefully with a better attitude.

I'll post some pictures soon, just have a few hundred to sort through!

While we were away, our water problems miraculously improved!  I'm not sure if it's because there are hardly any families left on the compound over the break, or if something was actually repaired - but it's lovely to be able to take a shower without hopping in and out of the spray, avoiding the rapid, random switches from scalding hot to freezing cold.  It's the little things that make such a difference.

Shopping like a hoarder

One of the things that I know has already been affected by our new home is the way that I shop.  Previously, I would either a) take a grocery list based on what we needed for the week, or b) run into the store and grab whatever I could put together as a last-minute meal.  Now, things are different.  I have a running list of things that I know are edible and reasonably safe to eat.  I buy these items in bulk, because I never know when I won't be able to find them.  I make a list when I go to the store, but I fully expect not to find any number of items on that list.  If I know something tends to be hard to find, that item is on the list, regardless of how many of it we already have at home.  So Adam went to the grocery store this weekend, to help me out and give me a break from the shopping.  It went a little like this.....

Adam:  "Honey, I can't find the sesame oil.  Do you know the word for sesame in Portuguese?"

Me:  "It's sesamo, I think.  If you can't find it, don't worry - just keep going down the list."

A few minutes later...

Adam:  "Uh, this bread flour on the list?  I see 'farinha de maize' is that it?"

Me:  "Nope, that's not it.  They usually don't have it, but sometimes they do - so just don't worry about it, and keep going down the list."

Five minutes later.....

Adam:  "Where do you usually find tortilla chips?  I see Cheetos and Lays, but no tortilla chips."

Me:  "I found them once at another store, they're on the list just in case they show up."

With shopping adventures like this, our pantry is starting to resemble that of a crazy person.  We've got 15 boxes of UHT milk (it doesn't expire for about 6 months, so you can stock up), 3 boxes of Rice Krispies, 4 loaves of sandwich bread, 5 bags of flour, 4 jars of peanut butter.....you get the idea.  When I imagine us going back to the US (yes, I fantasize about this daily) I wonder if I'm going to be a little overwhelmed at first, and just start grabbing things left and right like they're going to disappear.

One week from today we leave for Cape Town, South Africa.  I've been told that they have a lot more grocery items there, so hopefully that will be a chance for me to stock up on some items!  See....I'm a hoarder now.

Priceless

Not much to write about today, so I thought I'd give a little info on the prices we pay here - so that the next time you're in Target or Walmart, you can give thanks for the low prices YOU pay!  ;-)

Sour Cream - a tiny little 6 oz container = $5.79
Microwave Popcorn - 3 bags = $11.68
Cosmo magazine - US edition = $9.99
Whipping Cream - 1 liter = $10.79
Puff Pastry - 1 large sheet = $15.49
Celery - small bunch (wilted!) = $8.49
Cherry Tomatoes - small basket = $14.00
Tortilla Chips - about 8 oz bag = $7.60
Sliced Sandwich Bread - one loaf - $15.79


And we gladly pay these prices, because so many other things we'd LIKE to find...we can't.  In just the past 5 days alone, I have made (from scratch, always) - oatmeal raisin cookies, flour tortillas, waffles, syrup, cinnamon rolls, yogurt, applesauce, pizza dough, and salsa.  It's no wonder I'm always tired!

Urgente - mais ou menos

Ooooh, look at me - I'm learning portuguese!  You'll have to pardon the extreme sarcasm of this post - I'm feeling a little cranky after a long night spent at the ER.  Max's toe was looking worse and worse, and I had a gut feeling that handing us antibiotics and sending us on our way was NOT the best treatment.  After consulting with the nurse that BP has on call for us, Max and I headed back down to the clinic (via a borrowed driver, as ours was picking Adam up from work) on Friday afternoon.  Max and Molly stayed with my friend JoAnn, which was great.

So Max and I get to see the same doctor that saw us Tuesday, and she tried telling me that his toe looked better.  Uh....no.  His toe was now more swollen, oozing, and had a red streak that was extending down his big toe.  Once I pointed that out to her, she suddenly changed her tune and declared that we needed to go to the other clinic, the one on the 'Ilha' or island, and that he needed to have surgery done immediately.  We were told that even though the clinic closed at 5pm, as long as we told them it was 'urgente' - we would be seen, and that they had called ahead and let the surgeon know we were coming.

I was not so keen on the idea of my son having surgery in a 3rd world country...but I knew that it wasn't *such* a huge deal to have a portion of his toenail cut out and the wound cleaned up - so I wasn't getting too worked up.  We waited for our driver to bring Adam to the clinic, and then all 4 of us - Adam, Max, Bungo, and I - drove into the city to the other clinic.  It took almost 2 hours to get there, because of the crazy traffic.  Adam hadn't eaten all day, I hadn't brought any water with me, and all I had were some sticks of taffy that I keep on hand for bribing the kids when I'm bus mom.  So - everyone got taffy to sustain them!

We arrived at the clinic, and got shuffled around from window to window, until we finally found a woman who spoke English and could help us.  She planted us in a waiting area while she tried to locate someone who knew what to do with us, and Adam decided to go and try to find some water for us.  Of course, while he was gone, that's when she came back and led Max and I to see the doctor.  Oh. My.  She led us into a sort of makeshift recovery room, with about 8 stretchers pressed together, all of them full of people lying on them.  No curtains, no privacy - just Max and I cruising past their feet, trying not to look!  We saw the doctor, who pulled Max's shoe off and had a conversation in Portuguese with the nurse.  Then we were led back to a different waiting area.  Adam finally found us, and Max was able to tell him about our experience.  According to Max, it felt like he was 'walking through a mental institution!'  Almost an hour went by, and finally the doctor and the lady who spoke english came in to talk to us.  No one had called to let them know we were coming, and the surgeon was busy doing other surgeries.  Max's toe wasn't an emergency, so they'd prefer us to come back sometime next week to have it taken care of.  Adam asked them WHY the other doctor had said it WAS urgent, and they said, "Well, mais ou menos."  Well great, that clears it up - it's urgent....more or less.  They explained that we were welcome to wait a few hours and hope that the surgeon had time for us, or come back in the morning.  I'm glad Adam and I were both there to discuss it, and we finally decided that we didn't think his toe would fall off between then and the morning, so we opted to leave and come back the next day.

We finally got back home sometime around 9pm, and all fell into bed.  Adam and Max went back this morning, and in only about 5 hours, it was all taken care of.  Max's poor toe was cut open in several spots in order to clean out the infection, but no nail was removed.  He'd still on antibiotics, and we will go back Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to the clinic to have him checked on.  Please pray that his toe heals quickly and without further incident....this was exactly the type of situation that I was hoping to avoid here.  All things considered, it could always be worse - but let's hope that this is the most traumatic things get for us.

Finding the beauty

This is taken on the way to our house after the kids' tennis lesson earlier in the week.  If you take just this tiny snapshot of our life here, it looks so peaceful.  I guess it really all does depend on how you choose to look at things.  We feel safe in our little compound, and in only a month's time I have managed to make some friends that I know I can call on for help.  There's no end to the frustrations or worries or inconveniences here, but if I focus too long on those then I'll miss out on the beautiful things.

November 29, 2011 - hitting the wall

I haven't posted in a few days - I think the reality of it all is hitting me hard, and I'm struggling.  The holidays without our extended family and friends, the constant stress of worrying about all of the 'what ifs' - it's all taking a toll on me.  I feel a lot of pressure to stay positive - for the kids, for Adam, for the other women in the compound who seem to take it all in stride - but I don't feel so cheery about life here, at least not at the moment.

Max has an ingrown toenail that's infected - so off to the clinic he and I went.  The clinic is one of the places that Adam and I visited on our 'reccie' trip - and it's also one of the places that I most dread going.  It's super primitive - the exam room is literally a tiny room with  a portable stretcher, a little curtain, and some wooden file cabinets with labels that say things like "seringes." As if I wasn't uncomfortable enough, I noticed a very large spider crawling in and out of the cabinets while we waited. We have to walk through the main area (that's always filled with depressed looking mothers and children) and go to a tiny area in the corner for the expat clinic.  The doctors are on a rotating schedule, so we have to hope for one who is trained properly as well as speaks a little English.  Today we got a lady who was not very friendly, but prescribed antibiotics for Max's toe.  We took the prescription to a little window inside the clinic where another woman filled the order, and then told me in Portuguese how to use it.  When I didn't understand, she simply walked away.  I can't tell you how humbling it is to be the person who doesn't speak the native language.  You're automatically dependent on the kindness of strangers, and it feels as if you are less intelligent, less worthy than everyone else.  I took the medicine, and left with Max - and once we were home, I was able to deduce the directions on the medicine bottle.

Our power went off again today, which isn't unusual.  What *was* unusual is that it stayed off for several hours.  It didn't bother me at all, until I realized that cooking dinner was going to be a problem.  Adam wasn't home yet, so I had to light a candle in order to see inside the pantry, where the breaker box is located.  I took a chance and flipped the one switch that looked like it wasn't in the right position.....and we had power again!

Also on today's list of firsts - Max and Molly had a tennis lesson after school.  It was the high point of my day - seeing those two playing, learning, and gaining confidence.  I am hopeful that tomorrow will be just a bit easier, a bit less stressful....but at the moment, three years here sounds like a lifetime.

November 23, 2011

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I'm going to be struggling to keep a thankful attitude.  I know I have loads of things to be grateful for, but at the moment I'm really missing my family and friends.  I'm tired of cooking every meal, and doing the whole turkey and fixings for our little family really isn't going to be feasible with how little of those foods are available here.  We will, however, be going over to a new friend's house on Sunday to have a Thanksgiving potluck, and I'm sure that will be fun.  I found a frozen turkey at the grocery store earlier this week, another friend donated a box of Stovetop stuffing mix, and the rest will get patched together to resemble a Thanksgiving meal!

I think maybe the Thanksgiving holiday would be easier to get through if there wasn't Christmas right around the corner.  Everyone I know in our compound is leaving for the 3 weeks that the kids have off of school in December, and I wish so badly that we were going home to the U.S.  I'm really hoping our trip to Cape Town will help me cheer up and get through the holidays!

Random funny for the day - this bag of chips I bought.  They're Lays, and a friend here informed me that they were BBQ flavor.  Normally, in the US, I don't really buy chips - especially not when they're $8 a bag! - but here, anything that resembles something from home is really nice.  So I bought the chips.  They are, in fact, BBQ flavor - and I assumed that that label on the front translated into something like "Camping Flavor."  Clearly I have lots to learn, because Google translator says that the chips are in fact, "Peasant Income" flavor.  Yum.

November 21, 2011

I did my Monday torture session at boot camp today - I think it's about 88 degrees, with a million percent humidity.  Approximately.  I'm trying to use this opportunity to exercise regularly (something that was harder to do in Alaska) and make it into a whole overhaul of my physical fitness....but we'll see how it goes.  You'd think with a full-time maid, gardener, and driver - plus all three kids in school for 7 hours per day - that I'd have a lot of extra time on my hands.  Not so much.  A ridiculous amount of time is spent dealing with food - how to get it, where to get it, standing in line to get it, changing money over to pay for it, storing it, and then my favorite - preparing it in some magical manner that makes it appetizing to the family.  When you add in the time I spend trying to get the maintenance guys to come and fix the multitude of problems with the house, the hours of hunting all over the house to find where the maid has put things, and the various social activities around here.....it just doesn't seem like there's enough time for the stuff I'd really like to be doing - which is mostly sewing!

Anyway, back to the subject of time.  It feels like so much time is wasted here, and I think as a typical American, that's extra frustrating for me.  This Sunday, for example - we were supposed to spend the day on a BP boat, fishing and visiting the island.  I had heard from another BP wife that there were some engine problems with the boat earlier in the week, so I had Adam call the boat guy to find out if we should cancel our reservation.  No, the guy said it was just a clogged filter, they'd fixed it, so no worries.  We woke up early Sunday morning, and I packed all the things we'd need for the day - sunscreen, lunches, bug spray, life jackets, fishing equipment, ice cooler, etc.  We got a ride down to the dock, and got on the boat. 20 minutes into the ride.....we could tell something was wrong.  After a phone call from the captain of the boat to the main office, and a lot of gesturing from him to us - we understood that the engine wasn't working, and we'd have to go back to shore.  Awesome!  So that was a good 6 hours of our time completely wasted - and that is just typical of how things go here.  So.  Frustrating.  But at the same time, I can't help but be reminded what spoiled, fortunate people we are.  We had to drive back home past people with no roof on their houses, a woman carrying two cases of beer on her head (can you imagine how heavy that must be?), and tons of children running around garbage piles that surround their houses.

So far today,  I've been waiting 5 hours for the repair person to come and look at our leaking air conditioners.  For the 4th time.  I think the universe is sending me a message regarding patience!

November 20, 2011

A trip to the store is always interesting.  Earlier this week I went to a few small grocery stores that were new to me, and made some exciting finds.  #1 - hummus!  In a can!  Strange, but not terrible tasting.  Oh, and this reminds me - living here has made me change my whole way of classifying foods.  In the past, things were either delicious, okay, or icky.  Here, we can't be so picky.  So....if something tastes ok, meaning you can get it down without gagging, AND doesn't make you ill - that is classified as GREAT!  Whatever doesn't meet those criteria - not so good.  Moving on....find #2 - top ramen noodles!  I know, I know....I really need to find other forms of excitement in my life, but trust me - procuring food is the number one most important activity around here.  Top ramen noodles, for only $2.45 apiece = a good day. And, rounding out my top 3 - free shots of whiskey!  Yeah, I've been meaning to mention this.  There aren't (to my knowledge) any free samples of food given out in stores here.  Not sure why, exactly - but alcohol samples are pretty common!  That's not even the weirdest part - they give out these samples in glasses that are re-used by everyone who is tasting them.  I am really not a girl who often turns down free alcohol, but ICK!

Oh, and just in case any of you were wondering about our scheduled boat ride/fishing trip today....it pretty much went the way most things go here.  We woke up early, packed lunches, hauled the kids down to the dock (about a 45 minute drive), got on the boat, and made it maybe half a mile out.....before one of the two motors broke down.  So then we got to turn around and go back.  Oh, but all was not lost!  We did get to see a guy urinating off the top deck of a big oil tanker....so really, who could complain?

November 19, 2011

Today is Adam's 37th birthday!  It was really tough to find any sort of birthday stuff for him, so we had to improvise.  Miles drew him a  great picture - showing Miles tickling Adam's toes - complete with a drawing of Adam with rainbow hair.  Molly made an amazing paper structure of a house with an alligator coming out of it, and Max made a power point presentation!  Max has never really been a kid who is into drawing or art, but hand him a computer and he is SO creative!  He had singing, a graph showing 'level of Dad's awesomeness', and video clips...it really made Adam's day.  I was able to find a really neat shirt for Adam, a Bermuda type button down shirt made from African fabric.  Later today we'll have homemade cake and ice cream, and tomorrow we'll go out on a BP owned boat to fish and visit Mussulo island.

Halfway through writing this post, the power went out.  This happens every day, multiple times per day.  It's gotten so expected that when the power goes out while we're eating dinner, the kids continue talking and eating without missing a beat.  The last time it happened at dinner, the power came back on within a few minutes, but we opted to keep the lights off, it was just more peaceful!  This is typical of the attitude that we've found is necessary to survive here - either you laugh, or you cry....and laughing makes things so much easier.  Those of you who know me would probably not describe me as the most laid back person, especially when it comes to small annoyances....dripping water, repetitive beeping noises, being hot and sweaty....these things would send me over the edge before we moved here.  Now, they are a part of daily life, and they hardly even register with me.  I think it's a good change, and I hope that it's a lasting one.

In case you're wondering, it's hardly all giggles and sunshine for me here.  There have been plenty of times that I've curled up and cried, and told Adam that I wanted to go home - NOW!  I've worried countless hours over the kids' safety, their health, and I've felt uncomfortable at every new experience.  But I still believe this will be an experience that we look back on with pride, and I hope that I'll be stronger for it.

November 18, 2011

Went for my morning walk today, and realized that some of the most absurd things are already seeming commonplace.  Like what?  There are gardeners for the compound, and along both sides of the walking path is grass.  Instead of an edger, or weed-whacker, or even a pair of shears - they use a giant machete to keep the edges of the grass trimmed.  So I'm walking along in the morning, surrounded by a ten foot wall with barbed wire around it, passing men with giant machetes.  Just another morning in Luanda!

If you are reading this, you're special!

I figured this would be a good way for people to be able to keep up with our adventures.  I don't love posting all my stories on Facebook, and not all of my favorite people are on there any way - so if you want to check in here from time to time, I will do my best to write frequently.

We've been here in Angola for 4 weeks now.  Four weeks.  28 days.  I am not completely miserable, but I don't love it, either.  I've always been the type to tell myself, "It could be worse," and never is that more apparent than here.  People are hungry, people are hot, people are without clean water, shoes, air conditioning, DEODORANT...things that I most certainly take for granted.

So come along with me and let's experience Angola!

Day 14 (copied from my Facebook post)

So we've been here for two weeks.  The first week was torture - everyone was overtired, over emotional, and just generally ticked off at being ripped from the home we loved.  The second week went MUCH MUCH better - a lot less tears (mostly mine) and a lot more fun.

How is life in Luanda?  It's hard.  It's hard for me, and I'm in a position that's way way easier than probably 99% of the population here.  You can't just go to the store to get what you need.  If you're not local, you will likely need to start by arranging for a ride.  This is easy enough for us, because we have a driver assigned to us 5 days per week.  Okay - so now you have a ride.  Next up - getting your American dollars exchanged for Kwanzaas.  This involves having your driver scan the roadside for women (why is it always the women?  I don't know) who are rubbing their thumb against their fingers, signalling 'money.'  Then your driver rolls down the window and proceeds to negoatiate a good rate of exchange, while you sit silent.  It's technically illegal to exchange money on the street, but everyone does it.  Once they've agreed on the rate, you pass over the money and they give you the Kwanzaa.  This feels very much like an illicit drug deal to me (bearing in mind that I'm a sheltered white girl who's never actually DONE a drug deal) and it's a stressful start to the outing.

Next up - the actual shopping!  When you get to the store, you will absolutely be assaulted by some serious smells.  Most people don't wear deodorant here, and as you may recall - Africa is HOT!  Then there are the food smells - lots and lots of unfamiliar meats and fish are stacked in the store, and not all of it is ... fresh.  Air conditioning isn't a given, so that ups the smell factor.  If you've made a shopping list, good luck - you may find half of the items on it.  Stores will have an item one day, then not again for months at a time - so you need to go to multiple stores to find your groceries, and you have to be flexible.  Once you've picked your groceries (and made your best guess about what the labels say, since they're all in Portuguese) you make your way to the checkstand.  Again - good luck!  If you are fortunate, there will be only a few people ahead of you in line.  Still, this really doesn't tell you how long you'll be there.  If the power goes out ( at least a few times a day this happens), you're stuck until it comes back on. Machines stop working inexplicably, or someone has a problem - all of these things that cause minor delays in the US can bring everything to a halt here.  Once you get to the checker, you smile and hope that she doesn't hate you on the spot - because she will likely toss your groceries down to the bagging area.  You bag your own groceries, trying to catch them before they all smash together.  Then you pay for them, and try not to look at the total - because a few days' worth of supplies will cost what you'd spend in the US for a few WEEKS - and the quality is not so great.  But you've completed your shopping trip without crying, so it's a success!  All that's left is to dodge the motorists in the parking lot who seem determined to run you down, and you're home free.

I feel like I've packed a whole lot of learning into the past two weeks.  I've learned to be very very patient - if it's not an emergency, it's not worth getting too worked up over.  I've learned to be grateful - if just one stranger smiles at me, or tries to help when I'm struggling, it's enough to make my day.  It's so different being the one who doesn't speak the language, who doesn't know the way things work.  It's been very humbling, and very exhausting.  I miss my friends and family so very much, but I think this experience will be good for us all.

Day One (copied from my Facebook post)

So we've arrived at our new home in Luanda.  We have a house with a large yard, with banana and papaya trees.  The house doesn't feel like home yet, as none of the furnishings are ours, but I think once we hang some photos on the walls and get our stuff put away, it will start feeling more familiar.  The kids have handled the transition from America to Angola really well so far.  I was worried how they would react to the extreme poverty, the crazy traffic, the different language....but they seem to just be taking it all in, and accepting that it's just different.  Not better, not worse, necessarily - just different.  Everyone is super tired, a little cranky, a little clingy - but that's to be expected.  Max noted how weird it is to not be able to understand any of the billboards (they're in Portuguese) and Molly is super impressed by the Angolan women's ability to balance large items on their heads.  I've managed to handle grocery shopping twice (two different stores - once with a neighbor and once with Adam) which was one of my biggest fears.  Nothing is easy, nothing is quick, and it's SO MUCH HOTTER than any of us are used to!  But already I'm gaining a little confidence, and I'm determined to make the best of this.  I will post some pictures when I'm able to take them (it's not really encouraged to take photos in the city), but thanks everyone for the encouragement!  :-)