Entitled

I've always known that I was born into a fortunate life.  We always had food, shelter, and clothing, as well as extras like toys and fun activities.  Having a parent who was a public school teacher meant that we would never be considered rich, but we could always count on having medical care.  In my adult life, this has continued.  We've lived paycheck to paycheck, always had a tight budget, but even through our short time where Adam was laid off - we always knew we had a home, food, and access to doctors.  The whole concept of knowing that you're fortunate, however, is very different than SEEING it right in front of your face each day.  This is something I've struggled with from the first time I arrived here - and I still don't have a firm grasp on how to feel okay about all that we have, especially compared to those around us.

I feel guilty every day.  Every day when our maid is working hard to keep our house clean, I feel bad.  Every day when we drive past the women with huge loads on their heads and a baby on their back....I feel bad.  So when someone here glares at me in response to my smile....I feel like I deserve it.  When they charge me a different price than the person behind me in line....I feel like I deserve that, too.  A friend here likes to bargain with the sellers in the market, which is an accepted practice - but I find I just don't have the heart for that, either.  One of the major reasons for us coming here was to save for our kids' education, as well as our retirement - so I don't think the answer is to give everything away.....but how do I continue to hold my head high as I live with so much more than the people here?

Speaking of entitled - if you've made it through this post, I'll leave you with a funny example of how I DON'T want to live:  Yesterday I sent Miles up to his room to clean up the toys he'd left scattered on the floor.  A few minutes later, Molly ran down the stairs to tell me that Miles was NOT cleaning his room - he was instructing our maid to put his toys away!!!  That kid...I'm trying with all my might to get him to use his powers for good, not evil - but he's testing me.  (and yes, our very sweet maid is now instructed to NOT clean up any of the kids' toys)