November 29, 2011 - hitting the wall

I haven't posted in a few days - I think the reality of it all is hitting me hard, and I'm struggling.  The holidays without our extended family and friends, the constant stress of worrying about all of the 'what ifs' - it's all taking a toll on me.  I feel a lot of pressure to stay positive - for the kids, for Adam, for the other women in the compound who seem to take it all in stride - but I don't feel so cheery about life here, at least not at the moment.

Max has an ingrown toenail that's infected - so off to the clinic he and I went.  The clinic is one of the places that Adam and I visited on our 'reccie' trip - and it's also one of the places that I most dread going.  It's super primitive - the exam room is literally a tiny room with  a portable stretcher, a little curtain, and some wooden file cabinets with labels that say things like "seringes." As if I wasn't uncomfortable enough, I noticed a very large spider crawling in and out of the cabinets while we waited. We have to walk through the main area (that's always filled with depressed looking mothers and children) and go to a tiny area in the corner for the expat clinic.  The doctors are on a rotating schedule, so we have to hope for one who is trained properly as well as speaks a little English.  Today we got a lady who was not very friendly, but prescribed antibiotics for Max's toe.  We took the prescription to a little window inside the clinic where another woman filled the order, and then told me in Portuguese how to use it.  When I didn't understand, she simply walked away.  I can't tell you how humbling it is to be the person who doesn't speak the native language.  You're automatically dependent on the kindness of strangers, and it feels as if you are less intelligent, less worthy than everyone else.  I took the medicine, and left with Max - and once we were home, I was able to deduce the directions on the medicine bottle.

Our power went off again today, which isn't unusual.  What *was* unusual is that it stayed off for several hours.  It didn't bother me at all, until I realized that cooking dinner was going to be a problem.  Adam wasn't home yet, so I had to light a candle in order to see inside the pantry, where the breaker box is located.  I took a chance and flipped the one switch that looked like it wasn't in the right position.....and we had power again!

Also on today's list of firsts - Max and Molly had a tennis lesson after school.  It was the high point of my day - seeing those two playing, learning, and gaining confidence.  I am hopeful that tomorrow will be just a bit easier, a bit less stressful....but at the moment, three years here sounds like a lifetime.

November 23, 2011

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I'm going to be struggling to keep a thankful attitude.  I know I have loads of things to be grateful for, but at the moment I'm really missing my family and friends.  I'm tired of cooking every meal, and doing the whole turkey and fixings for our little family really isn't going to be feasible with how little of those foods are available here.  We will, however, be going over to a new friend's house on Sunday to have a Thanksgiving potluck, and I'm sure that will be fun.  I found a frozen turkey at the grocery store earlier this week, another friend donated a box of Stovetop stuffing mix, and the rest will get patched together to resemble a Thanksgiving meal!

I think maybe the Thanksgiving holiday would be easier to get through if there wasn't Christmas right around the corner.  Everyone I know in our compound is leaving for the 3 weeks that the kids have off of school in December, and I wish so badly that we were going home to the U.S.  I'm really hoping our trip to Cape Town will help me cheer up and get through the holidays!

Random funny for the day - this bag of chips I bought.  They're Lays, and a friend here informed me that they were BBQ flavor.  Normally, in the US, I don't really buy chips - especially not when they're $8 a bag! - but here, anything that resembles something from home is really nice.  So I bought the chips.  They are, in fact, BBQ flavor - and I assumed that that label on the front translated into something like "Camping Flavor."  Clearly I have lots to learn, because Google translator says that the chips are in fact, "Peasant Income" flavor.  Yum.

November 21, 2011

I did my Monday torture session at boot camp today - I think it's about 88 degrees, with a million percent humidity.  Approximately.  I'm trying to use this opportunity to exercise regularly (something that was harder to do in Alaska) and make it into a whole overhaul of my physical fitness....but we'll see how it goes.  You'd think with a full-time maid, gardener, and driver - plus all three kids in school for 7 hours per day - that I'd have a lot of extra time on my hands.  Not so much.  A ridiculous amount of time is spent dealing with food - how to get it, where to get it, standing in line to get it, changing money over to pay for it, storing it, and then my favorite - preparing it in some magical manner that makes it appetizing to the family.  When you add in the time I spend trying to get the maintenance guys to come and fix the multitude of problems with the house, the hours of hunting all over the house to find where the maid has put things, and the various social activities around here.....it just doesn't seem like there's enough time for the stuff I'd really like to be doing - which is mostly sewing!

Anyway, back to the subject of time.  It feels like so much time is wasted here, and I think as a typical American, that's extra frustrating for me.  This Sunday, for example - we were supposed to spend the day on a BP boat, fishing and visiting the island.  I had heard from another BP wife that there were some engine problems with the boat earlier in the week, so I had Adam call the boat guy to find out if we should cancel our reservation.  No, the guy said it was just a clogged filter, they'd fixed it, so no worries.  We woke up early Sunday morning, and I packed all the things we'd need for the day - sunscreen, lunches, bug spray, life jackets, fishing equipment, ice cooler, etc.  We got a ride down to the dock, and got on the boat. 20 minutes into the ride.....we could tell something was wrong.  After a phone call from the captain of the boat to the main office, and a lot of gesturing from him to us - we understood that the engine wasn't working, and we'd have to go back to shore.  Awesome!  So that was a good 6 hours of our time completely wasted - and that is just typical of how things go here.  So.  Frustrating.  But at the same time, I can't help but be reminded what spoiled, fortunate people we are.  We had to drive back home past people with no roof on their houses, a woman carrying two cases of beer on her head (can you imagine how heavy that must be?), and tons of children running around garbage piles that surround their houses.

So far today,  I've been waiting 5 hours for the repair person to come and look at our leaking air conditioners.  For the 4th time.  I think the universe is sending me a message regarding patience!

November 20, 2011

A trip to the store is always interesting.  Earlier this week I went to a few small grocery stores that were new to me, and made some exciting finds.  #1 - hummus!  In a can!  Strange, but not terrible tasting.  Oh, and this reminds me - living here has made me change my whole way of classifying foods.  In the past, things were either delicious, okay, or icky.  Here, we can't be so picky.  So....if something tastes ok, meaning you can get it down without gagging, AND doesn't make you ill - that is classified as GREAT!  Whatever doesn't meet those criteria - not so good.  Moving on....find #2 - top ramen noodles!  I know, I know....I really need to find other forms of excitement in my life, but trust me - procuring food is the number one most important activity around here.  Top ramen noodles, for only $2.45 apiece = a good day. And, rounding out my top 3 - free shots of whiskey!  Yeah, I've been meaning to mention this.  There aren't (to my knowledge) any free samples of food given out in stores here.  Not sure why, exactly - but alcohol samples are pretty common!  That's not even the weirdest part - they give out these samples in glasses that are re-used by everyone who is tasting them.  I am really not a girl who often turns down free alcohol, but ICK!

Oh, and just in case any of you were wondering about our scheduled boat ride/fishing trip today....it pretty much went the way most things go here.  We woke up early, packed lunches, hauled the kids down to the dock (about a 45 minute drive), got on the boat, and made it maybe half a mile out.....before one of the two motors broke down.  So then we got to turn around and go back.  Oh, but all was not lost!  We did get to see a guy urinating off the top deck of a big oil tanker....so really, who could complain?

November 19, 2011

Today is Adam's 37th birthday!  It was really tough to find any sort of birthday stuff for him, so we had to improvise.  Miles drew him a  great picture - showing Miles tickling Adam's toes - complete with a drawing of Adam with rainbow hair.  Molly made an amazing paper structure of a house with an alligator coming out of it, and Max made a power point presentation!  Max has never really been a kid who is into drawing or art, but hand him a computer and he is SO creative!  He had singing, a graph showing 'level of Dad's awesomeness', and video clips...it really made Adam's day.  I was able to find a really neat shirt for Adam, a Bermuda type button down shirt made from African fabric.  Later today we'll have homemade cake and ice cream, and tomorrow we'll go out on a BP owned boat to fish and visit Mussulo island.

Halfway through writing this post, the power went out.  This happens every day, multiple times per day.  It's gotten so expected that when the power goes out while we're eating dinner, the kids continue talking and eating without missing a beat.  The last time it happened at dinner, the power came back on within a few minutes, but we opted to keep the lights off, it was just more peaceful!  This is typical of the attitude that we've found is necessary to survive here - either you laugh, or you cry....and laughing makes things so much easier.  Those of you who know me would probably not describe me as the most laid back person, especially when it comes to small annoyances....dripping water, repetitive beeping noises, being hot and sweaty....these things would send me over the edge before we moved here.  Now, they are a part of daily life, and they hardly even register with me.  I think it's a good change, and I hope that it's a lasting one.

In case you're wondering, it's hardly all giggles and sunshine for me here.  There have been plenty of times that I've curled up and cried, and told Adam that I wanted to go home - NOW!  I've worried countless hours over the kids' safety, their health, and I've felt uncomfortable at every new experience.  But I still believe this will be an experience that we look back on with pride, and I hope that I'll be stronger for it.

November 18, 2011

Went for my morning walk today, and realized that some of the most absurd things are already seeming commonplace.  Like what?  There are gardeners for the compound, and along both sides of the walking path is grass.  Instead of an edger, or weed-whacker, or even a pair of shears - they use a giant machete to keep the edges of the grass trimmed.  So I'm walking along in the morning, surrounded by a ten foot wall with barbed wire around it, passing men with giant machetes.  Just another morning in Luanda!

If you are reading this, you're special!

I figured this would be a good way for people to be able to keep up with our adventures.  I don't love posting all my stories on Facebook, and not all of my favorite people are on there any way - so if you want to check in here from time to time, I will do my best to write frequently.

We've been here in Angola for 4 weeks now.  Four weeks.  28 days.  I am not completely miserable, but I don't love it, either.  I've always been the type to tell myself, "It could be worse," and never is that more apparent than here.  People are hungry, people are hot, people are without clean water, shoes, air conditioning, DEODORANT...things that I most certainly take for granted.

So come along with me and let's experience Angola!

Day 14 (copied from my Facebook post)

So we've been here for two weeks.  The first week was torture - everyone was overtired, over emotional, and just generally ticked off at being ripped from the home we loved.  The second week went MUCH MUCH better - a lot less tears (mostly mine) and a lot more fun.

How is life in Luanda?  It's hard.  It's hard for me, and I'm in a position that's way way easier than probably 99% of the population here.  You can't just go to the store to get what you need.  If you're not local, you will likely need to start by arranging for a ride.  This is easy enough for us, because we have a driver assigned to us 5 days per week.  Okay - so now you have a ride.  Next up - getting your American dollars exchanged for Kwanzaas.  This involves having your driver scan the roadside for women (why is it always the women?  I don't know) who are rubbing their thumb against their fingers, signalling 'money.'  Then your driver rolls down the window and proceeds to negoatiate a good rate of exchange, while you sit silent.  It's technically illegal to exchange money on the street, but everyone does it.  Once they've agreed on the rate, you pass over the money and they give you the Kwanzaa.  This feels very much like an illicit drug deal to me (bearing in mind that I'm a sheltered white girl who's never actually DONE a drug deal) and it's a stressful start to the outing.

Next up - the actual shopping!  When you get to the store, you will absolutely be assaulted by some serious smells.  Most people don't wear deodorant here, and as you may recall - Africa is HOT!  Then there are the food smells - lots and lots of unfamiliar meats and fish are stacked in the store, and not all of it is ... fresh.  Air conditioning isn't a given, so that ups the smell factor.  If you've made a shopping list, good luck - you may find half of the items on it.  Stores will have an item one day, then not again for months at a time - so you need to go to multiple stores to find your groceries, and you have to be flexible.  Once you've picked your groceries (and made your best guess about what the labels say, since they're all in Portuguese) you make your way to the checkstand.  Again - good luck!  If you are fortunate, there will be only a few people ahead of you in line.  Still, this really doesn't tell you how long you'll be there.  If the power goes out ( at least a few times a day this happens), you're stuck until it comes back on. Machines stop working inexplicably, or someone has a problem - all of these things that cause minor delays in the US can bring everything to a halt here.  Once you get to the checker, you smile and hope that she doesn't hate you on the spot - because she will likely toss your groceries down to the bagging area.  You bag your own groceries, trying to catch them before they all smash together.  Then you pay for them, and try not to look at the total - because a few days' worth of supplies will cost what you'd spend in the US for a few WEEKS - and the quality is not so great.  But you've completed your shopping trip without crying, so it's a success!  All that's left is to dodge the motorists in the parking lot who seem determined to run you down, and you're home free.

I feel like I've packed a whole lot of learning into the past two weeks.  I've learned to be very very patient - if it's not an emergency, it's not worth getting too worked up over.  I've learned to be grateful - if just one stranger smiles at me, or tries to help when I'm struggling, it's enough to make my day.  It's so different being the one who doesn't speak the language, who doesn't know the way things work.  It's been very humbling, and very exhausting.  I miss my friends and family so very much, but I think this experience will be good for us all.