Pushing

I've written before about how challenging it is to go shopping here.  Grocery shopping is not ever a really fun task, but in Angola it borders on torture.  The smells, the bugs, the crowds, the lack of edible food....it's no one's idea of a good time.  Given all of that, I try very hard to not subject my kids to the grocery stores.  Sometimes, though - it's unavoidable.

Last weekend, while we were out for lunch for Max's birthday (KFC - the one and only American 'restaurant' in Angola!), I needed to get a few groceries for dinner.  I took Max and Molly with me, and Adam and Miles went to the car to wait for us.  We had the misfortune of being at the closest grocery store to our house - which is also one of the nastiest.  My plan was to grab the few items we needed, and get through the store as fast as possible.  Well......it was Saturday, which is the worst day to be in the stores.  It was even MORE crowded than usual.  The kids and I navigated through the packed aisles, dodged the roaches (not exaggerating!) and got into one of the ridiculously long lines.  After a few minutes, a man with an armload of groceries maneuvered his way in front of us.  I rolled my eyes and sighed, but decided against making a fuss.  A few minutes later, two men tried to do the same thing.  So....let me state the obvious here, and tell you that it's different in Angola than in the US.  In the US, it's generally understood by everyone over the age of 3 that 'cutting' in line is not ok.  In Angola, the consensus seems to be that if you can get away with it, it's worth a try.  So I'd had enough, and told these guys to get to the back of the line.  They sheepishly went back, and I tried to not feel rattled.  That 'safe' feeling you have at home, when you speak up - where you pretty much know that if you call someone out for obviously bad behavior, someone will have your back?  Not here.  It doesn't matter that I'm a woman, doesn't matter that I have young children with me - no one is going to stick up for me if I get into trouble.

So finally we make it to the front of the line, and I start putting our groceries on the counter.  Max and Molly were standing behind me, next to the cart.  Suddenly I hear Max quietly, but in an upset voice, saying, "No!"  I look up, and the same two men are right behind him, pushing him to try to get past!  My poor Max was NOT budging - even though he was frightened, he was not about to let those guys get around him.  I'm like most moms - if you mess with my kids, you're going to see me go all mama bear on you.  I marched over there, and in my best Portuguese, told them to stop.  The cashier and all the people around us were watching, and no one felt the need to help me. After a few tense moments, they finally moved back.  I was shaking, and managed to pay for our groceries, bag them, and get them in the cart.

It all ended up fine, but it was a tense situation, where I was reminded of just how vulnerable I am here.  I think the truth is, I'm not in any more danger here than anywhere else - there's just more of a sense of security in America, where I understand the culture and speak the language.  I'm not sure it's a bad thing to really experience what it feels like to be the underdog....it's just not fun.

Left Behind

One of the hardest parts about expat life is that nothing is permanent.  The cycle of new families arriving and other families leaving is tough.  I've learned in the past year that the friendships made when you are living overseas tend to be on fast-forward; people become close very quickly, and when they move, it leaves a big hole in the community. Even here, where close friendships are a necessity, the closeness of my friendship with JoAnn is unusual.  Even the cashiers at the supermarkets (who are known for their blank stares and careless attitudes) comment on the rare occasions when we aren't together.  She's my constant companion, my partner in crime....and she's leaving me behind.

We knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye.  My kids are devastated that their friends are leaving, and they are sad for me, too.  I'm feeling a mix of emotions - I'm definitely going to miss JoAnn terribly, but I am also incredibly grateful for the time we've had.  She was here when I needed her most - when I felt like I couldn't make it another day here, she'd come and drag me out of the house and make me laugh.  When I ran out of something, she'd bring some over.  No matter how miserable my day was, or how awful I felt - she was the kick in the pants I needed to keep going.  And even though she's leaving, our friendship will be a permanent one.

As sad as I am for me, I'm happy for her, and for her extended family.  I know everyone back in the US has missed JoAnn, her husband, and her kids - so they'd better take really good care of them!  They are a special family, and Angola won't be the same without them.

Happy Birthday!

Today is my 12th anniversary of becoming a mom.  My sweet boy is 12 years old, and I can hardly believe that we are so blessed.  He is kind and funny, smart and sensitive, and has such a beautiful spirit.  He's been a big brother since he was two years old, and seeing the way he protects his sister and brother makes my heart so happy.  Max, you are constantly amazing me, and I can't wait to see the incredible things you will do in your life!

I asked our driver, Tomas, if he could teach me how to sing 'Happy Birthday' in Portuguese.  He was happy to give me a performance, so I thought I'd share.

Musings from Miles

I know it goes without saying that I love all three of my children.  Like most parents, I think my kids are pretty darn cute, funny, and smart.  Miles is no exception, and being the youngest, I think he often has to step up his game in order to compete with his older siblings.  Somehow this has resulted in some of the funniest, strangest conversations - most often about God.

Today Miles was helping me make dinner, and out of nowhere, he blurted, "God never sleeps."  I agreed with him that yes, God is always awake and watching over us.  

"I bet he sure gets tired," Miles added.  I agreed. 

 "I wonder if his mom and dad tell him to go to sleep, but after they go to bed, He gets back up and keeps making more people!"  I think Miles is projecting his naughtiness onto God here, but man, that kid cracks me up.